I thought you’d appreciate knowing who’s running for sheriff in my county. How could you not vote for him? Does it get any better than that?

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I have got to get one of these. I could put it on my desk and use it to intimidate unruly ThM students.

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In preparation for this weekend, here is an important infographic on the hierarchical relationships that obtain in the candy universe. Although, I’d have to say that the infographic has clearly made a few devastating errors. There is no way that Caramellos, Milky Way, and Rollos qualify as top tier (third tier at best), Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are top tier all the way. Nonetheless, it’s a noble attempt at making sense of an important and complex reality.

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This is exactly how I’m feeling today. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that there’s football on.

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Cracked offers a list of 5 things you won’t believe aren’t in the Bible. Most of this is pretty common knowledge among those who actually read the Bible, although I found some of the comments interesting. Others were just funny.

Since Cracked isn’t always safe viewing material, I’ve listed them below along with some of their more interesting comments.

1. Angels. Now, there are angels in the Bible. But if you encountered some of the angels it describes, you’d probably need a shotgun under your bed to sleep soundly for the rest of your life. NOTE: that is a joke. If angels turn out to be real, and you encounter one, do not shoot it with a shotgun.
2. The Devil Is Red, and Has Horns, a Pitchfork and Goat Legs. Not one inch of that is in the Bible. Anywhere. Not even the goatee (and this is a book where every other character has a goatee. Or at least we picture it that way).
3. The Holy Grail. If you try to find the story of the magical cup in the Bible, you’ll wind up flipping around confused, thinking you’ve got an abridged version or something. (Okay, seriously? People actually think this is in the Bible?)
4. The Antichrist. The Antichrist is mentioned only four times in the Bible, and each time he’s described the same way: ”Many deceivers, who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh, have gone out into the world. Any such person is the deceiver and the Antichrist.” (2 John 1:7) Yep: The Antichrist is anyone who doesn’t believe in Christ. The “anti” is basically being used the same way it’s used when we say someone is “anti-war.” So anyone who wants to accuse Richard Dawkins of being the Antichrist is actually entirely correct, and what’s more, he’ll agree with you. (They do go on to point out that much of the material traditionally associated with the Antichrist comes from things like the beast and the false prophet in Revelation.)
5. Hell. The only part you’ll find in the Bible is the fact that Hell sucks and that there is fire (from passages like Matthew 13:42: “And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”) And … that’s as specific as it gets.

In case you haven’t seen this yet, here’s Grover from Sesame Street in a fabulous parody of the Old Spice commercials.

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Since I’m hanging out in Santa Cruz today and you’re probably not having anywhere near as much fun as I am, here’s a video to brighten up your Thursday.

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I’m in Santa Cruz this week hanging out with senior leaders from several Christian conference centers around the country. They’ve all been involved in Christian camping for a long time, and they’re full of fascinating stories. I may poach one or two on occasion because they’re just too fun to pass up.

Probably the best (i.e. most disturbing) little tidbit of information, though, has to do with a piece of evangelical-ese I’d never run across before. I’m sure we’re all familiar with the famous “campfire experience” that closes many summer youth camps. Everyone gathers around, commits or recommits their lives to Christ, cries, hugs everyone within reach, and leaves feeling invincible and ready to take the Gospel to all nations. A common element in the campfires that I’ve been a part of is burning something as a token of releasing to God your sins, your past, or anything else holding you back from him. We usually wrote these things down on little pieces of paper and then took turns throwing them into the fire to demonstrate that we were really serious about our new commitment.

So far, so good.

Apparently, though, it used to be very common for Christian campers to throw pieces of wood into the fire as the token of what they were letting go. And, it also used to be fairly common to call such pieces of wood “fagots.”  You can probably see where this is going now. So, the person leading the campfire experience would often exhort the group with things like “Come down and burn your fagot” or “Throw your fagot in the fire.” How’s that for a rallying cry? Try it at church this Sunday; see how it goes.

Now, I realize that “fagot” (small stick or bundle of sticks) is different than “faggot” (derogatory term for a homosexual). But, since I can’t hear the extra “g”, there’s just no way to avoid the shock value of having someone say “Come, burn your fagot for God!”

So, this is now officially going on my list of things that Christians just shouldn’t ever say.

Here’s a great deleted scene from Iron Man 2 to get your week started out right. We like our superheroes sufficiently weak and “human” these days.

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[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJBm1IyJ624&feature=player_embedded#!]