I teach theology. That means….

I’m sure every profession comes with its own stereotypes. Professors are absent-minded, construction workers are crude, garbage collectors stink, and doctors have bad hand-writing. We all have our burdens to bear.

As a theology professor at a seminary, I’m fascinated by the stereotypes that come with the job. Like many good stereotypes, some come with at least a grain of truth. That’s what makes them sting so much. Others say more about the people who use and believe them. Either way, theology stereotypes are fascinating.

So, instead of fighting these stereotypes, I’ve chosen to embrace them. All of them. Let me know if I’ve missed any.

I teach theology. That means…

  • …half the time I don’t even know where my Bible is, let alone read it.
  • …I think reading a verse in context means finding it in my favorite systematic theology book.
  • …I get paid to start fights.
  • …deep down I wish I had a cool-sounding German name.
  • …my only friends have all been dead for 1000 years.
  • …I’m right. Always.
  • …I enjoy sucking all the mystery out of life.
  • …real people confuse me.
  • …I’m not even sure what “exegesis” is.
  • …I spend most of my time thinking up alien categories to impose on the text.
  • …I’m not even sure what ministry is.
  • …I’m not truly happy until I’ve confused someone.
  • …I think the fruit of the spirit is arrogance, strife, certainty, intelligence, perseverance (in study), loneliness, literacy, irrelevance, and stubbornness.
  • …my favorite books are…never mind, you wouldn’t understand them anyway.
  • …I’ve been trained to speak unintelligibly whenever possible.
  • …no one likes me but I’m so bad with people that I don’t notice.
  • …I think anyone who disagrees with me is a pagan, heretic, unbeliever, Cowboys fan, or some combination of the above.
  • …I confuse belief with knowledge and speculation with reality.
  • …if you saw how I dressed you’d swear I was colorblind.

[Thanks to those of you who offered suggestions for this list via Facebook or Twitter. And, feel free to suggest more!]

Comments

comments

9 Responses to “I teach theology. That means….”

  1. rogerjalbarran October 20, 2011 at 12:49 pm #

    Glorious! The fruits of the spirit one is my favorite.

  2. Lance Ponder October 20, 2011 at 2:51 pm #

    ROFL

    …as a complete amature wanabe, you’ve inspired me. ;-)

  3. Jim October 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm #

    i’m with roger… fruits of the spirit that i finally have! you’ve earned a blog mention. feels good, doesn’t it

    • Marc Cortez October 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

      I bask in the glory of your approval. :-)

  4. Craig Benno October 21, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    I’m surprised your asking what others think…isn’t it about what you know and we don’t know….so pleb’s sit around and fawn at my feet. :)

  5. Paul Bruggink October 21, 2011 at 4:28 pm #

    The best humor has an element of truth?

  6. Maggie October 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm #

    Haha! But you know so much of what you are saying applies to academia in general (theology or otherwise), and you have to admit that some of it is a justified stereotype. There is a certain amount relish that some academics take in trying to make whatever they say as unintelligible as possible.

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