I was really hoping that this was a joke when I saw the First Thoughts post “The Manliest Church in America,” maybe a Catholic attempt at Onion-like parody. But apparently it’s true. You can now attend Man Church in Chandler, Arizona. Here’s the description:
Man Church is church the way a man expects it to be done. No singing, short sermon, time to talk with other guys, no women present, and coffee and donuts. That’s the way men want to do church. The topics of discussion will have a definite manly focus – being the best possible husband, father, employee, leader – being a real man. In fact, every aspect of Man Church is geared for men – not like any other church you have seen. This ain’t your mama’s church!
Here are some of the deeply theological question I have about all of this:
- Are they going to bring back live sacrifices so the men can consume raw meat during the service?
- How effective will the sermon be, since it will probably consist entirely of grunts and other gutteral sounds?
- Do they kick you out if you take a shower and put on deodorant before the service?
- Do you have to bring your own club, or do they give you one when they get there?
- (Update: I thought oa few more pressing questions.) What happens if a woman does walk in on a service? Do all the guys stop swearing and start using napkins?
- Is there a corresponding Woman Church where all the women sip tea and make doilies?
- How can there not be any women around? After all, who’s getting the donuts and making the coffee?
If they want to have a ministry like this, fine. But please don’t call it a church.